Are You Loyal to your boundaries or to someone else’s?

Most people have not given much thought to exactly what their boundaries are. You might also have heard them called or know your boundaries as your morals or values in addition to the way you expect to be treated. So, what are your boundaries? Are you completely loyal to them? If your boundaries are just some sort of vague notion that you hold in their head, you might want to take the time to give them a lot more thought. In doing so, you can get absolutely clear in your own mind on what you are and are not comfortable with. Only then can you share your true boundaries with others.

If you are not clear to yourself and others what your boundaries are, you are open to inconsistent expression of your boundaries. This can be confusing not only for yourself, but others as well. For example, if you are dating someone who is consistently late for your dates and it bothers you but you don’t ever say anything or make a subtle joke about it, you are not being clear on this boundary and certainly haven’t established it with the other party.
If, however, you say something that establishes your boundary on timeliness and your expectations around that, it gives the other person the choice to respect your boundary or not. In turn, you can then choose to not date them anymore if they disrespect your boundary and continue to be late.

If you don‘t establish clear boundaries early in the relationship, you seriously limit your options. This is because you can‘t go putting your foot down later on without the possibility of looking like you have changed all of a sudden. If you have been dating for a while, it is because they like who you initially portrayed yourself to be and may not like this stranger coming to the surface.
If you have trouble expressing your desired boundaries to others, it can actually be an issue with your self-worth and it suggested that you address it right away. Do not ever compromise your boundaries in an effort to not make someone else feel bad. Your boundaries will expressed eventually and you are deceiving yourself and them if you think otherwise. If you can’t stand up for yourself and commit to your boundaries, then maybe you should consider not dating anyone until you can.

It may be obvious to some and not so much to others that you can express your boundaries without having to be mean about it. You can be very nice and still have your boundaries respected. And, in addition to respecting your own boundaries, make sure you respect the boundaries of others as well. This will open the door to attract someone with whom you can experience a mutual respect of each other’s boundaries. You will soon discover that the opposite sex will find you much more attractive because you display confidence and charisma when you accept nothing less than the utmost respect of the boundaries you have clearly established.

You Will Attract Whatever You Allow

You will attract whatever you are willing to put up with. If you are willing to put up with someone who is flaky, you will attract someone that is a flake. If you are willing to put up with someone who will mistreat you or disrespect you, you will attract someone who will mistreat or disrespect you. If you are willing to put up with someone who takes advantage of you or take you for granted, you will attract someone who will take advantage of you and/or take you for granted.

Take a look at your relationships and see if there is a pattern of behavior that the other person exhibited that you did not particularly like that may have contributed to the demise of the relationship. The patterns of behavior displayed by your relationship partner are essentially a mirror for you, a clue to you about what you are willing to put up with. If you aren’t willing to put up with it, you wouldn’t have attracted and thus experienced it.

Hopefully you have learned from your past relationships where there were behaviors being exhibited that you didn’t like and you made a conscious choice that you had been there and done that and won’t do it again. Some of the time, this is enough to not have to experience it again. At least maybe not to the same degree. Or, it might be so subtle and look so different that you don’t recognize it as being the same bottom line pattern of behavior.

For example, if you dated someone whom you discovered you could not depend on to either be on time or show up at all and then would call with some excuse as to why the plans you made together had to be changed. You may have let them get away with it for a while, but eventually called things off as a result. Some time later, you might have experienced someone who was just late by a little every time you made plans. Because it wasn’t to the same degree as previously experienced, you still might have let them get away with it. If it doesn’t bother you, fine, but if it does, don’t put up with it from anyone that you are looking to spend your life with.

When someone does something different than what they tell you they are going to do, it is ultimately a matter of respect. You deserve to be respected enough that they at least call and explain why they are not there on time or why your plans had to change and sincerely make an attempt to not let it happen again. If they don’t, they don’t respect you. In the end, this means that you are willing to put up with disrespect. And, you don’t want to be with someone that disrespects you in any way, shape or form. It will only get worse instead of better. Find someone that respects you and that there isn’t anything about them that you would want to change and stick with them. Bottom line, whatever you are willing to put up with, that’s exactly what you’re going to attract.

If, however, you respect yourself enough to expect respect from someone you choose to be with, then you will attract someone who will treat you right. Someone who will love and accept and respect you exactly as you are because you have made it clear to yourself that you won’t accept anything less. And when you respect yourself enough that you won’t accept anything less, then you pave the way to attract the absolute love of your life. So, make it clear to yourself and others what you are and are not willing to put up with. And then you will be rewarded with exactly what you want to experience.

Stop the Negative Self Talk

We all engage in self talk. On average, research shows that each person’s self talk is around 100-150 words per minute or an astounding 45-51,000 thoughts per day. Self talk in and of itself is not a problem. It is a huge problem though if any portion of that self talk is negative.

Habitual negative self talk essentially force feeds negative suggestions into your subconscious mind. Right now, I want you begin to start paying close attention to your self talk. Over a period of a few days, you will get a pretty clear idea of just how much of your self-talk is negative.
The reason this is so important is because your self talk is self-fulfilling. What does that mean? It means that what you are force feeding into your subconscious about yourself that is negative, sometimes several times a day, you will experience in your reality.

By becoming consciously aware of and analyzing the contents of self talk, you might well find the key to why you are not experiencing success, happiness, joy and fulfillment not only in general in your life but in your relationships as well.

Are you repelling love as a result of your negative self talk? You just might be! Do you ever say things to yourself like, “Gosh, I feel like I will never meet the love of my life” or, “it seems like all the good ones are taken and I only meet the available ones that are jerks,” or whatever versions of these that suit your particular speech pattern and vocabulary.

Even if you are just saying those things out of frustration, they are being influenced by your subconscious conditioning and your continued mindless negative self talk simply continues to validate these beliefs and turn them into self-fulfilling prophecies.

It is a vicious cycle that will perpetuate itself until you become consciously aware of and don’t allow the negative self talk any more. If you find yourself engaged in negative self talk, simply and gently remind yourself that you choose not to do that any more and say something nice to yourself instead.

Being consciously aware allows you to observe your thoughts and actions so that you can live from true choice in the present moment rather than being run by programming from the past which will change your future results.

How Do You Look When You Step Out Your Front Door?

If you are looking to attract and experience a relationship with the love of your life, something vitally important to not ignore is how you look each and every time you step out your front door into the world. You should look good every single time.

Now, that doesn’t mean you have to put on a three piece suit or that you have to wear your best dress just to run errands. However, it does mean that you shouldn’t wear your sweats that have paint on them from your last home improvement project or an old t-shirt that is full of holes. So, at the very least, just dress in a decent outfit and make sure your hair is brushed and a little makeup on if you’re a woman. You’ll find that your efforts are directly proportional to your results.

What happens when you make sure that you look good whenever you walk out your front door is that you will automatically feel better about yourself than you would if you had just thrown on those paint-covered sweats and old t-shirt that is full of holes.

When you feel good about yourself because you look good, it essentially opens the door and clears the way for others to feel good about you as well. And, if you happen to run into someone attractive, anywhere you are, you then don’t have to give a second thought to how you might look. You have already taken the time to address the issue and so it will no longer be a worry.
Ask yourself how many times in the past you didn‘t look the greatest and you saw an attractive person and you completely went out of your way to avoid them because you immediately realized how awful you looked? How would things have been different if you were dressed in something better and you had groomed yourself just minimally?

When you have the mindset that those extra few minutes in front of a mirror will serve to help you attract the love of your life, you‘ll find that you want to do it and it won‘t be a hassle. In turn, it will give you the confidence you might need to be more approachable or to approach someone. You really just never know when or where you’ll meet someone special, so look good first and foremost. Then, all you have to worry about is remembering to smile and doing whatever it takes to strike up a conversation.

Warmest Regards,
Lisa

Be Exactly Who You Are!

Have ever been in a relationship where your partner consistently complains about you and/or about the things that you do? Or, did they maybe just make some subtle comments. These careless acts play on your insecurities and you may have found that you were changing the things about yourself that they were complaining about or commenting on in an effort to avoid the criticism and/or comments. They might have also threatened to end your relationship if you didn’t change.

You may have convinced yourself because you love the person it is a valid and good enough reason to want to change for them. The bottom line is that it is fear on some level that causes you to change for someone else and not love. Changes, no matter how big or small, are not appropriate if they are for someone else. Any time you change anything about yourself to please another, it will have negative consequences. The moment you change one thing, you may be asked to change another and another and another until there comes a point when nothing you do or say is good enough. You will find that a relationship where you are required to change in an effort to make it work will not survive long term.

Whatever you do from here on out, don’t change for anyone else but yourself! If you do, it will backfire at some point because you are, essentially, squashing the spirit of your true self. Eventually, those aspects of yourself that you thought you had changed will be doing whatever it takes to express themselves. The essence of your true nature cannot and will not be held down for long.

More than likely, these changes that you initially made from ‘love’ will manifest as anger and resentment towards your partner who you did the changing for in the first place. If they don’t like who you are, that is not your problem, it is theirs. Remind yourself that you choose who you want to be with and vice versa. Gently remind them that if those things bother them so much, maybe you both should consider the possibility that the relationship won’t work out because you respect yourself and that you won’t change to fit someone else’s idea of what the perfect partner should be like. You are who you are and if they don’t like it, they don’t have to be with you. If they don’t love and accept you just as you are, don’t be afraid to tell ‘em to take a hike.

I have experienced a relationship like this. I was very in love with someone and instead of recognizing that his bad moods and constant criticism of me and pretty much everything I did was all about his issues and not something wrong with me. I grew weary from the constant barage of negativity coming my way. I slowly began to adapt to the way that I thought he wanted me to be. As I did so, his respect for me went down because changing for someone else ultimately meant that I didn‘t respect myself. It took a while, but I soon began to wake up from this emotional roller coaster ride and the survivor in me was not going down without a fight. I began to get a little of the old me back and as I rebelled against his complaints with an ‘I don’t care what you think anymore attitude and this is who I am and if you don’t like it, see ya,’ I woke up and realized how unhealthy and toxic the relationship had been on so many levels. It didn’t take long to come to the conclusion that the best thing for both of us was to go our separate ways. It was an important lesson learned. Though that was the most emotionally devastating and painful relationship I had ever experienced, through it I found the inner strength I never knew I had and I do not regret one moment of it.

Above all else, be true to yourself body, mind and soul. You will find that honoring and respecting yourself in that way will result in attracting and experiencing a healthy, loving and fulfilling relationship like you never even dreamed possible.

Until Next Time,
Lisa

Lisa Stuart Has Earned Expert Author Status!

I've been working hard pouring my heart and soul into writing as of late. I wrote several articles on various subjects around attracting the love of your life and submitted them to some article submission sites. I am very proud of the finished products, if I do say so myself. I have additionally been rewarded with the honor of now being deemed an Expert Author. If you'd like to read my articles, please click on this link.

http://www.ezinearticles.com/?expert=Lisa_Stuart

Please do bookmark it as well because I'll be submitting articles as regularly as I can in addition to the usual blog post or two per week.

Warmest Regards,
Lisa Stuart

Do You Keep Old Mementos from Previous Relationships?

If you're like most people, at one time or another you have probably held onto something that symbolizes an aspect of your relationship with someone even when it is over. Maybe it was with the hope that you would get back together and rekindle your love or maybe it was to remind you of what a wonderful person you lost so that you can beat yourself up for a while as a reminder to not do that again.

These mementos can include old love letters or cards they gave to you, pictures of the two of you together or just of them or maybe even both, a movie ticket stub from a movie you saw together, or anything else that they gave to you or somehow represents the time you shared together and that you have given meaning to.

You may have told yourself that you're just a hopeless romantic as to why you have held onto such things to justify their taking up space in your home and in your life even after knowing there was no hope of the two of you ever getting back together. Are you still holding onto any objects from a past relationship? How many of them do you have? From how many past relationships? It is important to ask yourself these questions so that you can get a clear picture of how you might be holding onto the past. I can guarantee that if you're holding onto the past this way that you're also doing it in other ways.

You may not know it, but these objects maintain an energetic connection to these people for as long as you hold onto them and they have the meaning of your togetherness with that person. They are physical representations of the attachment that still exists between you and them. The reason it is important to become aware of this is that as long as you still have these energetic connections to people from your past, whether you know it or not, you can never truly commit to a future relationship because a part of you is still wrapped up in your past with someone you're no longer even with!

It is time to let go of those old attachments and free yourself from your past. I recommend getting all these things together and either burning them or throwing them in the trash. Either way you decide to let go of this part of your past, do so with ceremony. It doesn't have to be anything fancy. Just saying a few words that represent your conscious awareness of letting go can suffice.

Like the phoenix that rises out of the ashes renewed and ever more powerful, you will regain and recapture all of the energy that you have unknowingly left scattered throughout your past. You might be surprised at how absolutely wonderful releasing your old attachments can feel. Then, make sure you somehow celebrate the reclaiming of your complete self knowing that you are truly free to commit to a relationship with your true love.

All my best,
Lisa