Be Exactly Who You Are!

Have ever been in a relationship where your partner consistently complains about you and/or about the things that you do? Or, did they maybe just make some subtle comments. These careless acts play on your insecurities and you may have found that you were changing the things about yourself that they were complaining about or commenting on in an effort to avoid the criticism and/or comments. They might have also threatened to end your relationship if you didn’t change.

You may have convinced yourself because you love the person it is a valid and good enough reason to want to change for them. The bottom line is that it is fear on some level that causes you to change for someone else and not love. Changes, no matter how big or small, are not appropriate if they are for someone else. Any time you change anything about yourself to please another, it will have negative consequences. The moment you change one thing, you may be asked to change another and another and another until there comes a point when nothing you do or say is good enough. You will find that a relationship where you are required to change in an effort to make it work will not survive long term.

Whatever you do from here on out, don’t change for anyone else but yourself! If you do, it will backfire at some point because you are, essentially, squashing the spirit of your true self. Eventually, those aspects of yourself that you thought you had changed will be doing whatever it takes to express themselves. The essence of your true nature cannot and will not be held down for long.

More than likely, these changes that you initially made from ‘love’ will manifest as anger and resentment towards your partner who you did the changing for in the first place. If they don’t like who you are, that is not your problem, it is theirs. Remind yourself that you choose who you want to be with and vice versa. Gently remind them that if those things bother them so much, maybe you both should consider the possibility that the relationship won’t work out because you respect yourself and that you won’t change to fit someone else’s idea of what the perfect partner should be like. You are who you are and if they don’t like it, they don’t have to be with you. If they don’t love and accept you just as you are, don’t be afraid to tell ‘em to take a hike.

I have experienced a relationship like this. I was very in love with someone and instead of recognizing that his bad moods and constant criticism of me and pretty much everything I did was all about his issues and not something wrong with me. I grew weary from the constant barage of negativity coming my way. I slowly began to adapt to the way that I thought he wanted me to be. As I did so, his respect for me went down because changing for someone else ultimately meant that I didn‘t respect myself. It took a while, but I soon began to wake up from this emotional roller coaster ride and the survivor in me was not going down without a fight. I began to get a little of the old me back and as I rebelled against his complaints with an ‘I don’t care what you think anymore attitude and this is who I am and if you don’t like it, see ya,’ I woke up and realized how unhealthy and toxic the relationship had been on so many levels. It didn’t take long to come to the conclusion that the best thing for both of us was to go our separate ways. It was an important lesson learned. Though that was the most emotionally devastating and painful relationship I had ever experienced, through it I found the inner strength I never knew I had and I do not regret one moment of it.

Above all else, be true to yourself body, mind and soul. You will find that honoring and respecting yourself in that way will result in attracting and experiencing a healthy, loving and fulfilling relationship like you never even dreamed possible.

Until Next Time,
Lisa